Saturday, 17 September 2016

Help, my long term boyfriend is too broke to marry me and I am running out of time!

Dear Kinnaka,

I am an ardent KB reader and I love everything about this blog, I can't remember reading any Cameroonian blog before yours. Thanks for setting the bar high in this sector, in our community.  Please hide my email address and name.

Here is my dilemma: I am a 28-year-old banker in Yaounde. Nkeng (real name withheld) is a year older than me and we have been dating since our university days. Two years after we graduated my bestfriend's dad linked me up with the job I now have and Nkeng on the other hand decided to go back to school and study IT after numerous rejected job applications.

Nkeng and I live together, so while he was studying, I paid for everything, that is rents, bills, food and I also clothed him. Nkeng finished his IT studies and decided to start his own company. The company provides IT services to other businesses, build websites and applications. Business is not going very well so I am the one that is still paying for everything!

Last month when I visited my mother in the village, she told me I wasn't getting any younger and that from all indications Nkeng is not ready for marriage, as he can't even look after himself. My mother told me she understands the love we share but I should be selfish at this point and think about my age. She said Nkeng is a man and can marry at anytime but as for me when the time is gone it is gone. She advised me to leave him and look for a man who was serious and ready for marriage. 

When I came back home I told Nkeng about wanting to marry and start a family and he quickly changed the topic. I also advised him to take a full time job that he had been offered by a company he had a temporary contract with.  He refused, "I am an entrepreneur and I don't want to work for anyone full time," he said.

I love Nkeng so much but like my mother said I am running out of time. I am torn between leaving him and staying together until he finds his place in society.

What is your advise KB readers?

7 comments:

  1. U are running out of time??���� so u want to leave a man with vision and go after a man with television. Don't be surprised to watch the man with vision on ur husband's television. I am also a broke ass talking I guess.

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  2. My dear, I think there are many ways to say no and this is just one of them. He was with u surely cuz of the money and not love. That just means he isn't interested in you. Move on, there are better ones out there. Enjoy this little accapela by korede bello" menopause is knocking, kockok, why u di wait like u want discovere mungo park??"

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  3. I will first of all day the caption of this post is wrong .
    My advice to you goes : marriage is just the ceremony and the paper signing . What matters most is the love between u and nkeng . If u love him then believe in his dreams and wait for God's appointed time . Age have nothing to do with any relationship. We have cases of women marrying at 40 or more . U and nkeng can be married spiritually and what is left is just the physical part . Stay strong with ur guy and keep assisting him until his doors are open ..

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  4. My dear
    Put Nkeng down ask him what he thinks about you?
    Ask him how he feels about you? We men can think we you the finest person on the world but we dont feel like Marrying?
    Ask his short term goals and his long term goals girlfriend you have been with him after a heart to heart discussion then let him go sometimes love is letting go if it comes back its yours
    Be strong though put all in prayers

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  5. Anonymous has said it all. Put off all gadgets, don't let Him change topic. Better still wake him up at night and address it with him after praying for God's guidance. Whatever the outcome thank God.

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  6. That's the consequence of going into a relationship and bring a man in to live with you without a vision or future plan. I believe your mom is 100% right. She wants to put some sense into your scroll that have been blindef by love for Nkeng. Your mom don't want you to regret at the end because life is unpredictable. Nkeng may walk away on you at anytime in the future. Again, I think he is a selfish guy, he should have listen to your concerns and try to atleast reason with you. Brushing you away is a sign of "I don't care how you feel." Girl, my point is listen to you mama.

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  7. That's the consequence of going into a relationship and bringing a man in to live with you without a vision or future plan. I believe your mom is 100% right. She wants to put some sense into your scroll that have been blinded by your love for Nkeng. Your mom don't want you to regret at the end because life is unpredictable. Nkeng may walk away on you at anytime in the future. Again, I think he is a selfish guy, he should have listen to your concerns and try to atleast reason with you. Brushing you away is a sign of "I don't care how you feel." Girl, my point is listen to you mama.

    ReplyDelete