Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Am I a failed "Bushfaller"?

Depressed black woman: photo used only for illustrative purpose
Kiki, Kudos for the amazing work you are doing on this great blog. I don't even know if I need any advice or I just want to rant. I am just so miserable now and my life is beyond repair.


I'm a 29-year-old female Cameroonian, based in France. I am depressed and I haven't been really going anywhere. All my friends have good jobs and are married with kids and yet I have nothing to boast of after spending 7 years in France.


I work two back breaking cleaning jobs, so that I can be able to pay my bills and send my mother some money now and then to look after her. I have a degree in Law but have never been able to find a job with it. My friends keep moving to bigger and better things with numerous projects back home while I'm just stuck being a nobody. 

I'm always uncomfortable around these people because I always feel like these people look down on me like I'm a failure. And I know it's true. Every time they ask what I do, when I say cleaning they say "oh." End of that conversation. How am I supposed to deal with this? 

I am trying so hard to change my life. At some point my main goal was to find a rich oyibo man and marry but it didn't work out. I feel like I have been cursed or maybe "bush" it not for me. I want to go back home to Cameroon but I am ashamed to go back without any savings or job to fall on. I really feel like a failure!

It is very depressing to be a 29-year-old, with no man or serious relationship, no job to boast of and no savings. I am writing this out of desperation. I don't know what to do anymore. Is my life beyond repair? What can I do to fix it?

*Bushfaller
A slang used by Africans to describe someone who has traveled to a developed country

34 comments:

  1. Hmm you don't compare your life with others it takes a day for God to change your story I have been there done that asked myself so many questions then I remembered that we aren't born the same day I would have said something is wrong with you if you weren't working hard but you are so my dear relax be you stay real and when it's his time he will bless you remember God make the everything good at his own time not your time but his that said I might no be where I want to be but I'm sure not where I used to be do I encourage you to keep going no one is comparing with with you ur so unique

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    1. First of all Sweetheart, u are looking for love in the wrong places, thats y u have no man, dont look to far, look arround u, he is right beside u and dont underestimate no man coz u are going for the rich u never know what that man might become in Future..LIFE's a stepling stone.
      For a career just lock eye go school again u must not do nursing or engenerring or whatever is Not within your comfort zone just becoz it gives money.There are a bunch of stuffs u can do thats gonna give u money.Google should be ur best friend. Do research mami
      Set ur life goals that by 35 years old u don hammer. Lock eye go school even na 2 or 3 years again, work for 2 years save up then carry that money go cameroon go open business open some upscale fine Salon and spa u need just bout 5 million Cfa to open something like that. By 35 u don hammer, while ur doing all this di find ya massa, he must not be rich, tall , dark , yellow or handsome manage anyone and make him what u want him to look like. By 35 years old u don hammer rich well well even if u no succed for get man atleast u get man fine weh born ya pikin before u want clock 40. menopause is at 45. U go de boam.Trust me take my advise when there is life there is hope

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    2. big Guinness for my bill sis

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    3. shut up. lock ya mop. Cannot even spell Cinderella. Idiot.

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  2. get out of France and Move to Canada maybe a neutral place could make a difference.... also when you study a crowded field such as law and business you have very little chances making it out here unless you are the best...its never too late start something new maybe nursing...or engineering or mobility and logistics think out of the box

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  3. First you can be rest assured that you are not a failure. Secondly, you are somebody and not a no body. Thirdly, no body looks down on you except you.
    Let me be honest with you, you need to identify what you desire the most in life. Remember every start is hard. Aim to become somebody but you need to know what you want to become in life. I have a lot more but if you need more advance inbox me... I wish to help you.... but know the greatest help comes from the heavenly King

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    1. I read her story and it felt like i was in her shoes. We are the same age, i am working on my masters, not married. The only difference is I dont intend on going home not now atleast. It can be depressing when everyone is moving ahead. And you seat there wondering whst you did wrong...

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  4. My sister don't worry. Life is all about finding where you belong and what was reserved for you by the most high. His time is the best, now you said you studied law. Why don't you try a formation? I know of these professional formations in nursing called 'assistance medical' in French language. Take one of those and after two years you will for sure get a job and a more stable job. I know many people who do that and really they live a convenient life and are able to help Thier families back home and also save. Concerning having a relationship,everything has its time and do not rush into something because you feel desperate and above all don't envy anyone because it is not only a capital sin but also you don't know what many people go through to be where they are,i promise you that many are in your position but very few are courageous enough to come out like you! Pfandjo@gmail.com is my personal email address. Drop me a mail and I will forward to you the links I have on the various opportunities you could try out. Until then take heart and be strong. God bless you!!!

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  5. My sister please don't go back to Cameroon now. It's not easy there to. Cameroon is good for those who have the money . Just try and go to a different country if possible canada or any other country . Please don't be depressed . I have been in the USA for 3 years now, Maryland to be precise and if you don't know the worst set of Cameroonians do live here and make people like you and I feel under looked on . It's normal with Cameroonians out there . Just try and avoid them and see if you can safe money . My signature name kinakanas. Kiki I wish you could change from your khadashians bla bla to stories like this one . One of greatest fans though

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  6. My dear lil sister. Ei go better. Please stop comparing your life to others. It makes you vain and bitter. God blesses everyone at his own choosen time. It may tarry but trust me you will have a testimony to encourage others. And yes at 29 I will say you are very young. please don´t give up yet. Five fingers are not the same. we all have our time. keep doing what you are doing and look up to God. One thing you should know is that change is the only constant thing in life and it must come voluntarily or by force. Change your circle of friends and interact with those who encourage you. I do live in Europe and i understand how cheeky, provocative and all vices you can think of is associated with Cameroonians and Africans as a whole. Mind you what some achieve over 7 years yours can come in 2 years. Please change your mindset, depression is not a good thing. Find things that make you busy. Keep your business private. Your time will come. It will definitely come trust me.

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  7. RESPECT YOUR TIME ZONE

    Time Will Come ! Kenya is 2 hrs ahead of Nigeria, but it does not mean that Nigeria is slow, or that Kenya is fast. Both countries are working based on their own "Time Zone." Some one is still single.

    Someone got married and 'waited' 10 yrs before having a child, there is another who had a baby within a year of marriage.

    Someone graduated at the age of 22, yet waited 5 years before securing a good job; and there is another who graduated at 27 and secured employment immediately ! Someone became CEO at 25 and died at 50 while another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years. Everyone works based on their 'Time Zone', People can have things worked out only according to their pace.

    Work in your “time zone”. Your Colleagues, friends, younger ones might "seem" to go ahead of you. May be some might "seem" behind you. Don't envy them or mock them, it's their 'Time Zone.' You are in yours! Hold on, be strong, and stay true to yourself. All things shall work together for your good. You’re not late … You are not early ... you’re very much On time!

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    1. Wow this comment make sense. I hope she is reading all this encourage
      words.

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    2. Waow this speaks to me too , thanks for these words

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    3. That speaks to me too. Sometimes someone has to remind us.

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  8. Well, you did not look at your other friends in the mortuary, those in hospital wards, those in jail, those with cancer, those that are hungry etc. While it is good to look ahead, always take a look back to see how far you have come, you idiot. If you were close, I will dish you doty slap. Better go offer thanksgiving mass or thunder fire you. Only if you knew what those who wanted to be in France but ended at the bottom of the Mediterranean will feel about this nonsense you are saying.

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    1. Though being truthful compassion is needed. Delivery in peace and love not condemnation. I have never seen condemnation some a problem.
      Besides those who are hard on themselves are hard on others.

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  9. Will you like to swap places with someone who died trying to cross the sea on a wooden shaft? If yes, let me know. I will make that happen.

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  10. My dear, solely looking at other people's lives and successes will further depress you. Focus on what you are not doing right and improve on that. Plus, be proud that you are not earning a living off something nasty; you don't know what others have sacrificed to be so "successful". Cheer up and much courage in your endeavours.

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  11. Oh oh oh...you have fallen into the trap of caring about impression.... why should you be enslaved by thoughts of what your fellow brethren out there think about you ? Why do you look down on yourself ? Please there is no convention of a successful man or woman...somebody talked about 'time zone' above...I have never read anything better than that madam...like he said and I quote 'you're very on time'.Courage sister !!

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  12. My dear it is well. The advices above are so on point. I would like to add these keys.
    1 know you are loved by God and unique
    2 accept his love and love yourself
    3 ask God for wisdom and courage for there's always something in your kitchen. Remember the pot of oil and Elisha,woman. E.g you could be a boss now outsourcing cleaning staff to others you built a good rapport
    4 I repeat love yourself. Do you love yourself? People treat you the way you treat yourself. Ok how can your so called friends hear you doing cleaning job and not network knowing you are a graduate?
    Please I hate to see people not achieving their potential but a lesson learned you can wish the best for others but it doesn't mean they wish they best for you. Please be honest to yourself and be a friend to yourself first.
    Our educational system has built us a mindset of being competitive to know our worth. God never told us our worth is based on competition or condemnation. Build on your self esteem and relationship with God. For your break through is big but you need to know skills of life e.g your friends who are your foes. There are people who base their worth on their salary, let everybody bow down to them... Intimidated by others potential...
    5 last but not the least depend on God and the Favor of God will bless your CV. Have a vision board.
    6 Ok keep your eyes on Saviour let him direct your steps. Not everyone tells you the true source of their wealth. Patience is key keep pressing on.
    7. Meditate on Psalm 23 91 and 150
    God bless

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  13. I think I could work with you. There's hope for the living.
    Reach out to me @ carlsonnkwain@gmail.com
    I would love to work with you in making you better.

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    1. Idiot, muggu. U di craze. nyamfuka

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  14. Inbox me ur pics let's discuss marriage. Am rich,single n searching

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    1. mbombo, nobi her picture be dat. If na her picture be dat, me self I for don marry'am long time. Fine girl so no fit di wash toilet. Even French President go take'am fuckam well, well, give'am money. so my broda, no waste ya time.

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  15. So many of us are in the same boat

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  16. Hello dear, comparison is the killer of joy. You may not be where you want to be right now but you are where others want to be. So try to focus more on seeing the glass half full rather that seeing the glass half empty. You are blessed, you are unique and you are loved. Yes, you are loved even though it may not always seem that way. Focus on the positives and attract more positive things your way. At 29, you are not old to make it or anything like that. Like someone said up there, we all have our time zones. Work hard, pray hard and BELIEVE. Blessings to you.

    You Know You Are Cameroonian When

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  17. so sorry about ur situation dear, it is not easy but even here au pays things are hard. ill advice u to change ur circle of friends, not hate those succeeding but avoid gatherings with people u will feel uncorfortable or feel diminished about, it is a natural feeling u experience so just avoid them so that it may give u a chane to sit and reflect and think clearly wat u can do to better ur life dear. some people are saying u should go back to skul, i dont say no but i know how difficult it is to go back to skul especially when ur heart is all about making ends meet and oda things but all the same ill advice u to make someone home, maybe ur mum, so dat she can open an account for u in the country were u can save small small sums of money which over a period of time u may use to start a project which u urself would have sat and thought about, donnot go for wat odas have , go for wat u love and think u can manage, u nor must build cite dem or hotel or big shop, start any small thing for pay,den di rest leavam for God e hand. take heart my sista e go betta

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  18. Are the lady i see at 4:55pm daily at Gare du Nord dressed like a mad woman? Chaiiii, something do you mami. Find white fowl go river.

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  19. My dear, I understand what you are talking about because I have been there! A lot has been said already, remember there is time for everything. God makes all things beautiful in His time. Try doing something different, I assume you learnt French over these 7years? if not find something else. Cleaning is just for a while (from experience) Time to improve and do something else!

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  20. This will relieve you for a sec y. We being groomed that people opinion of us matters. Pity party is the order of the day to survive. That's y those who fly first class buy luxury cars own houses still lament being broke.

    Well to be content please rest in His Word. Having a personal relationship with God will ground you and guide you.

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  21. First of all you future is bright my dear. The fact that you can live in France for 7 years is as already a victory. You still have people in yr home country wth same degree for 15-20 years and can't boast of anything. Another person's dream is just getting into France where already are. I don't know much About yr faith but believe in God. Don't compare yr life only with people ahead of you, compare it also with people you are of them, isn't the fact that you have life a progress? What about your friends who are in the grave?
    A flying degree from Cameroon can hardly place you at the place you are looking at. Am advising with abroad experience. Try to go into something professional. Try to add some flesh to your bony degree that might not even be recognize there. When We came abroad we saw people like that, but immediately they got the right job orientations their stories changed. This is what some Africans abroad fail to capture. All these unskilled jobs Will hardly take you anywhere. The best way it should take you is to enable you finance an adequate professionally oriented educational qualification. This is what will change yr life abroad, not flushing people's toilets. Look for a profession that is highly demanded in the job market and get qualified to it.

    If you are qualified, employers will be the ones looking for you.

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  22. Nice comments above.It is well my dear,God is still saying something

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