Congratulations on being the most read English blog in Cameroon. I saw the ranking and I must say you are now an inspiration to many. Keep on showing our youths that hard work can pay off. I am in a confusing situation right now! Please share this on your blog and don't forget to hide my identity.
I am the first child of a family of 6. My parents are both poor farmer. My parents were excited when my auntie in Yaounde told them she had a friend from the USA, currently visiting Cameroon and was looking for a young Bamenda girl to marry. They totally ignored the fact that the man was 12 years my senior and the fact that I was just 19 and not really ready for marriage. When my parents told me about it I was excited at the idea of going to America but I was scared of marrying a man I did not exactly know.
My fears eased up when I finally met my to be husband, he was handsome, very gentle and kind to my family. Things happened really fast, we did the traditional and the civil wedding a week after we met, as my auntie assured my family he was the right man for me. He wasted no time in taking my virginity and a month after he left for the US, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him the good news he was very excited. He increased my allowance and sent my family more gifts. He wanted me to have the baby in America so he did everything in his power to process my documents, God answered his prayers and I was in America before the our first son was born. My husband named him after his late brother and father.
My husband provided me with everything I needed. He has a well paid job so money has never really been an issue since we met. He even took up the responsibility of financing the education of my 5 siblings and sending my parents monthly allowance. I felt lucky, so lucky! When our son became a year and a half, I told my husband wanted to apply for place in the University and study Biochemistry. He gave me a very weird look and said I should wait for our son to grow a little more. The look on his face stayed on my mind for days till I brushed it off. I started noticing a lot of things I didn't really take note of before, maybe because of the initial excitement of being in America. I started noticing that my husband did not consult me before making any decisions concerning me, our family and my family back home. Everything from him was an order and I followed obediently. I discovered an old classmate lived in the same city and really wanted to visit he since I have not really been anywhere since I came from Cameroon except the hospital, super market and church. My husband told me I was not allowed to visit my friend and she wasn't allowed to visit me. I asked him why and he said he did not want anyone corrupting me.
Before I knew it I was pregnant again! I sank into depression! I had everything money could buy but no freedom. I confronted my husband and told him I wanted my freedom and wanted to have friends I can visit or at least a job to distract me. He told me he didn't want me having friends as they might corrupt me and said he made enough for us and for my family back home. I started screaming out of anger and frustrated and the argument went really bad. My husband beat me up and locked me up in our bedroom for a day. I rang my auntie and my mother the next day to complain. None of them believed me and told me I must have done something really bad because the man they know will never hurt a fly. After several back to back calls they finally convinced me I was doing something wrong. My husband was so happy when I had another boy, that he got my father a car.
We have been arguing again about my freedom and each time we do he will do he more for my family back home. The last time we had an argument, he told me that he changed my life and that of my family and the least I could do was respect him. He also told me that I should forget about school and look after the kids and our home. I have been in America for 5 years and I don't even know the neighbourhood I live in well. I have never worked and I don't have any friends. I am depressed and unhappy. I don't just want to be a baby making machine and a house keeper. I want more, I want a career but my husband wouldn't let me.
I want to walk out of the marriage but I am worried about my kids and family back home. My husband will stop looking after them if I walk away. I am also worried that people will say I used him to come to America then left him. He wouldn't give me freedom and without it I feel empty.
Should I walk away and be happy or think about my family back home first? Am I just being ungrateful to my husband? How can I make him change his mind and let me be free and still be his loving wife? I have tried everything even told him I will leave and he wouldn't let me be free.
I feel like a prisoner, please advice me.