Sunday, 22 May 2016

"He brought me from Cameroon and made me a prisoner in America"

Dear Kinnaka,

Congratulations on being the most read English blog in Cameroon. I saw the ranking and I must say you are now an inspiration to many. Keep on showing our youths that hard work can pay off. I am in a confusing situation right now! Please share this on your blog and don't forget to hide my identity. 

I am from the North West Region of Cameroon but currently based in the America. My husband came home, married me and brought me here 5 years ago. He is also a Bamenda man. God blessed us with 2 boys and I am currently pregnant with a little girl. I have always heard women mourn about how tough marriage can be but nothing in this world prepared me for what I am currently going through right now. 

I am the first child of a family of 6. My parents are both poor farmer. My parents were excited when my auntie in Yaounde told them she had a friend from the USA, currently visiting Cameroon and was looking for a young Bamenda girl to marry. They totally ignored the fact that the man was 12 years my senior and the fact that I was just 19 and not really ready for marriage. When my parents told me about it I was excited at the idea of going to America but I was scared of marrying a man I did not exactly know. 

My fears eased up when I finally met my to be husband, he was handsome, very gentle and kind to my family. Things happened really fast, we did the traditional and the civil wedding a week after we met, as my auntie assured my family he was the right man for me. He wasted no time in taking my virginity and a month after he left for the US, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him the good news he was very excited. He increased my allowance and sent my family more gifts. He wanted me to have the baby in America so he did everything in his power to process my documents, God answered his prayers and I was in America before the our first son was born. My husband named him after his late brother and father. 

My husband provided me with everything I needed. He has a well paid job so money has never really been an issue since we met. He even took up the responsibility of financing the education of my 5 siblings and sending my parents monthly allowance. I felt lucky, so lucky! When our son became a year and a half, I told my husband  wanted to apply for place in the University and study Biochemistry. He gave me a very weird look and said I should wait for our son to grow a little more. The look on his face stayed on my mind for days till I brushed it off. I started noticing a lot of things I didn't really take note of before, maybe because of the initial excitement of being in America. I started noticing that my husband did not consult me before making any decisions concerning me, our family and my family back home. Everything from him was an order and I followed obediently. I discovered an old classmate lived in the same city and really wanted to visit he since I have not really been anywhere since I came from Cameroon except the hospital, super market and church. My husband told me I was not allowed to visit my friend and she wasn't allowed to visit me. I asked him why and he said he did not want anyone corrupting me. 

Before I knew it I was pregnant again! I sank into depression! I had everything money could buy but no freedom. I confronted my husband and told him I wanted my freedom and wanted to have friends I can visit or at least a job to distract me. He told me he didn't want me having friends as they might corrupt me and said he made enough for us and for my family back home. I started screaming out of anger and frustrated and the argument went really bad. My husband beat me up and locked me up in our bedroom for a day. I rang my auntie and my mother the next day to complain. None of them believed me and told me I must have done something really bad because the man they know will never hurt a fly. After several back to back calls they finally convinced me I was doing something wrong. My husband was so happy when I had another boy, that he got my father a car. 

We have been arguing again about my freedom and each time we do he will do he more for my family back home. The last time we had an argument, he told me that he changed my life and that of my family and the least I could do was respect him. He also told me that I should forget about school and look after the kids and our home. I have been in America for 5 years and I don't even know the neighbourhood I live in well. I have never worked and I don't have any friends. I am depressed and unhappy. I don't just want to be a baby making machine and a house keeper. I want more, I want a career but my husband wouldn't let me.

I want to walk out of the marriage but I am worried about my kids and family back home. My husband will stop looking after them if I walk away. I am also worried that people will say I used him to come to America then left him. He wouldn't give me freedom and without it I feel empty. 

Should I walk away and be happy or think about my family back home first? Am I just being ungrateful to my husband? How can I make him change his mind and let me be free and still be his loving wife? I have tried everything even told him I will leave and he wouldn't let me be free. 

I feel like a prisoner, please advice me.

46 comments:

  1. Tell him nicely that your marriage is not working and that something needs to change. Propose counseling sessions and also invite the invisible problem solver (Jesus) for there's nothing he can't do. Pray seriously for your husband and your miracle may just be days away. You are in my prayers

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  2. The moment u live that man is the moment u have made the greatest mistake of ur life.He is a good man but he's ideas are just primitive. It's true He is scared ur friends are gonna spoil ur mind but he should at least look for u a job

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    1. The best advice

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    2. Good advice. Leaving should be the last option. invite the invisible hand. If the idea of leaving is your thought then you have been consulting the outside he is preventing you from.

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    3. That's nonsense, my dear know that if a man beats you up once, he could and will most likely do it again best for you to leave. About your family, they will never understand what you are going through, they like the money and gifts but are not the ones getting slaps and feeling trapped. You need to stop trying to please people and do you.leave while you still can. You have so many rights you don't know about.

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  3. You have a good man. I did not hear you complain about beatings except 1s and u caused it. Not an excuse though.. but friends and visits and outings should not be reason enough to leave your home. You go to church, you go to the market and even hospital. He takes care of your family and his family. You know his moods, you know how to get him to do certain things, table your case, bring out a really good reason why you think you want friends and education. Your tone matters aswell.. he is your husband so give him his respect. Tell him and keep telling him till he sees why you need to study and get a career. People study from home, people build from nothing to something, he can get you what you want if you ask him correctly with enough reasons why you think you need it. Do not mess up your marriage.. you are living the dream of hundreds out there, just talk and make it work.

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  4. Pack your things and leave. If that will make u happier... It baffles me that you think you are a prisoner.

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    1. We should try to understand when people need an honest advice. Be receptive...don't come here and try to bully someone...you don't know her and certainly don't fit in her shoes. Be kind and polite...this is unbelievable. This world will be chaotic if a multitude of people should have such a character problem. PEACE!

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    2. All i see you all writing is what is wrong with how she feels. I am sure she is not crazy. I am also sure she is not happy and for those of you who think that the money and the staying at home are enough to make someone happy, you may not know what makes yourselves happy. She is in the worst prison....the prison of mind. The end is not going to be pretty. There are warning signs. There is absolutely no reason why she cannot go to school and have friends. Please, let that man take care of his insecurity.

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  5. Lucky you! You are a Queen! In one position that you sit, you get all your needs. What is freedom though? My wife got it all but I don't even have enough to feed her talk less of our kids and her parents! That is the kind of man any lady would love!

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    1. My dear brother...two situations can never be the same. That is nature. Human wants are unlimited...she has the opportunity and she needs to use it. That is all she is asking for. We all need to develop as i dividuals. I belief even in your social status...you are liberal enough to give your wife a chance to be a person she can be proud of. Even the rich need that. It is a necessary human desire. It has nothing to do with social status. When u ask kids for ghetto..weity they want become...when they grow up...them too go deh say doctor...lawyer...teacher!etc...why? ....they are poor! ...but they desire knowledge....everyone does...Money is not part of the equation.... it is not a catalyst for such a desire. Please let's give her honest advice. Peace!

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    2. Well my dear, I simply believe your husband is either suffering from primitivity or he's simply insecure. He might have had a bitter experience with women out there, reason why he decided to come home get a girl who was a little less exposed (ideologically speaking). All he has done is shown you love. He treats you like a queen and caters for your family . I think the term prisoner is way out of place. You can study online. Believe me my dear friend, when friends start prying into your marriage life, problems abound. When you feel depressed think of others in Cameroon who would do anything to be in your place. I simply believe you still need to grow. Communication is the key to a successful marriage.

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  6. My dear u don't even know what u are talking about. He is very right about corrupting your mind by others. If u star work today I bet you ur marriage will end. Because u will no more do house chores,take care of those kids properly. Surely you will need a sitter to carter for them which u have to strain get money to pay the sitter. U will take care of urself and family back home. Responsibilities in the house financially will be shared. U will start running behind ur supervisors for overtime to work. No time for your family and later gust what? YOUR MARRIAGE WILL CRUSH. THose YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOU WANTED ,ONE OF THEM WILL HAPPILY BE Mrs .... fill the blank. Next thing you will be running behind pyramid bussiness, and u will surely join ,new member of "ASSOCIATION OF DIVORCED WOMAN" 70% of freinds in America are bad influnced.
    You think if u go to work u do not stress. U will then have double stress. Girl join an online Zuma club or gym but with purpose not to look for friends.
    I am a married woman with just a child and I work because my husband make little just like me. If I tell u the stress out there. Forget it.
    I don't have ANY ANY FRIEND because they kill you and smile.
    Gather yourself pray and when your kids are big you can work or go to school

    But it's good if you have even just 2day a week even at a McDonald near you so that u know basic things out and prepare u for better tomorrow and unforseen
    Learn how to save from your allowance
    Go online take online classes if you must go to school.
    Enjoy ur marriage

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    1. pls take a big Guinness on my account. You said it all

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    2. I am sure all those who have started work today have seen an end to their marriages...what the hell?

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    3. I am sure all those who have started work today have seen an end to their marriages...what the hell?

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    4. Excellent advice dear.All those friends u badly want will ruin ur marriage n take ur place and be dat home wife Ur husband wants. Outside is hard my dear.
      Yes u wanna hang out u and ur husband can hang out from time to time.u can take online classes if it's education u seek.u can go to the gym etc to distract urself.concerntrate on ur home n kids. If u want an occupation badly there are so many work from home jobs u can apply for to occupy ur self while being a house wife.look for solutions dat go in line with Wat ur husband wants too.i don't blame him really trying to protect u ,outside influence is so negative now.i think he is a little extreme but not totally wrong. The worst mistake u will make is leave day house trust me.

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    5. That's crazy thinking. If you are not happy leave the marriage. God did not allow you to come to the U.S to suffer so don't allow yourself to be a victim.

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  7. Your husband get for fear cus croon girls dem no small de like for run after de enter dat America mami just be u ya n kip on prayx n talk to ur husband na just yi own ideas n yi no be wrong becus u first young

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  8. Please you all stop putting blame on this woman. That man has a very low self-esteem. Who lives in an island? Material things does not equal happiness, so family members who benefit from the marriage do not want to lose that's why they make her feel guilty. Mr. Husband, your strategy is not working so look for another strategy. If you love your wife as you make it seem, then listen to her and stop putting your hands on her.

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    1. That man is selfish n wicked worst still he's so insecured mama leave that house but be sure of where your going to hope u v been saving some money ohhh like e go worry for ya end

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  9. This is just another proof to show you money is not happiness, I hope your husband wakes up slumber and give you a little freedom. i understand he's scared if you are giving too much freedom you might probably be exposed to bad friends and possible Adultery. I will only advice you not to leave your marriage.. Just pray to God for him to touch his heart so that he can reason with you.

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  10. As a mother of daughter it breaks my heart when I read such stories. I remember my father's voice clearly when he told me that my education was my first husband. Did the parents give her hand in marriage because they saw a potential ATM machine or was it really for the happiness of this girl? Well the did is done and the question now is what can she do? Working is not all about making money, it is also about meeting people,learning new things and keeping her brain alive. It is a means to experience a new wall paper change so as to maintain some level of sanity. That is why we have many people in the West volunteering in various organisations. What this man fails to understand is that this woman can go insane from being barred from going out, humans are not programmed as such. My advice to you, is to do all in your power to talk to your man in a civil and loving way. Make him to understand why you want to school and why you want meet people. Tell him if he cares about you and wants to have a happy wife and home, he should let you be who you aspire to be.Tell him to put his fears at rest about you being corrupt by others and trust you as a wife. You must do all to gain his trust so as to be able to have that peace of mind that you so deserve. Some men cannot stand strong successful women and your man seems to be one of such. How can you stay in a place for one year and not know your neighbourhood, that tantamounts to prison. However, if you see that your person is at risk of being hurt, or you think that you are at the point of a break down, then, they are many women help groups you can contact online or place a call and ask for help. I wish you well in your quest and one word of advice for you...never give a damn what others say or think of you. I am a talk prove and many have tried and hit a very thick wall. May God see you through!

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  11. You need to pray seriously ask God to soften his heart. I propose a three days fasting and prayers. You should have one prayer point which is " My Father My Maker the Heart of men are in your hands Father soften the Heart of my husband so that anytime I speak to him he will listen. Amen

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  12. You do not leave your husband for no reason... he should be having good plans for you, it looks like you're in a rush, just 5 years and you already want your freedom my dear. Some times the way we grow makes us happy and when we want to spoil it, we can then bring in other spices like freedom, meeting friends etc. I think your husband is just happy with you and for u to seem to be happy instead with your freedom and friends and neighbors just tells it all.

    Secondly, how comes Kinnaka Blog now delete articles because of negative comments. Where is the article of Returnees back home? I read some honest comments in there and came to contribute but cant find the post. Does it mean that you guys are kind of bais and deals with others differently? Is it because those in the video saw seems to be your close friends and am sure they asked you to bring down the article. This is so sad that you guys are hiding the simple truth because they know they got nothing to present as Cameroonian Returnees bearing different nationalities. When it's someone else you will be happy to see people insult them on your blog... it's a pity my dear...

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  13. Girl, you so lucky that I wish I where in your shoes. I am in the US and work 7days a week.I cannot even go to school coz I need to care for my family when I return from work.I don't even have enough for myself let alone taking care of my family back home. Abeg, take it easy on him and pray about it. my husband kept me home for 2yrs with no phone or friends when i came to the US and i had my first son. I'M grateful for it coz outside is no joke.take care of your babies,take vacations with your family and study online if you can. Love your husband more and every moment with your family. You have no idea what pain friends can give you,gossip,jealousy,bad advice... name it. Forget the rights with your husband, I guarantee you,he is the only one you can trust out there,not friends. Never pack it begs coz another lady will happily jump into your home and maktreat your kids. Besides there are more single mother's and girls out there then married women and they are ready to jump at a good man like urs. Girl be wise and the devil is trying to distract you. You have been blessed but you want to finnam for ngambe house.then you will be a laughing stock and you cannot go back to your husband once you leave,stop calling your relatives,you are the Madame in your house. Take trips or travel with your family.speaking from experience.

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  14. This is such an eye opener for alot of men who think they can subject their wives to their own ideologies. I am not in any way suggesting that you should disrespect your husband by not being obedient to his wishes. My first concern with this story is the fact that he got you beaten and locked you up for a day. That's an act of voilence that you shouldn't tolerate a second time. These days are so daring ,desperate and deadly that such little acts of voilence can become uncontrollable and a life or lives could be lost. Do understand that your husband is being overly protective and possessive of you such that it is not healthy for your marriage anymore and he needs a reality check. It is taking a toll on you and you are loosing love and respect for him. It is very normal. You are young ...talented ...and i suppose smart ....enough to wish to have a career...your husband may be having it all today...no one knows what happens tomorrow and you have to take up the responsibilities he is upholding right now....powwww...!you have no skills...where do you begin? My dear talk you husband to underatand ....you need to develop as a person...if he truly loves you...let him bring out the best in you. It makes no sense...educating the whole world and not giving same opportunity to someone as dear as your wife. let him also consider that the future of the kids depend on you both.u need to be married but still be an individual as in having the ability to do certain things without asking your husband to.provide you with the funds.it adds some spice to the marriage. I am also married ....i have been to school...had my Bsc...Post graduate Diploma...got married...pregnant for my second child....after which i intend...ofcourse w my hussys support...to take another degree program at the masters level...or even take up some professional certification courses.my husband is fully in support because he knows my potentials. Don't leave your marriage...you have to build it...u getting currupt is out of the question...u can get currupt juat by going to the shop...if u wanted to...i understand your problems...it's not freedom you want...but some sort of self validation...an opportunity to tell yourself you are contributing something to the society....intellectually...professionally....making kids and marriage od good for the society...but we all need to give more....outside our close family circles...if u were 19 when u got married...i believe now you are 26 or 27...u know how to choose your friends...u can still pick out bad friends from the church you attend...so people ..this is not a matter of being exposed n corrupt. A lady from a decend background will most often hold to those values...she needs advice...let us be honest. My dear kid sister...keep loving your husband....pick out his best moments...and put your case on thw table....try talking him i to.online studies..if he accepts that...flow with it...just take baby steps at a time....try a trick...save out something from the allowance he gives you...and incase he ia sending mo ey home to your family or his family...take out a portion..offer it to him n insist you want to support him.... it may impress him to juat understand how loving...caring...n hardworking you are..and how important it is you get a career...pick a job and be productive to your family...be the helper that God set you to be in his life as his wife. If your reasons are otherwise..selfish ..greedy...and seeking control ...then you had better think again. As for me i feel elevated when i am able to take up responsibilities without demanding from my husband...like responding to financial needs mostly from our both families without telling him...it releases his stress hormones...n he greatly appreciates.men have alot going on in their heads ...minds...those little surprises once in a while...keeps them going....all the best....keep ur home...ur man...n kids...be very cautious. It is well. BE BLESSED.

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    1. Thank you for this comment. Very mature and makes so much sense. She should stay in her marriage and talk her man out of his insecurity. I think if he is well assured he will let go a little.

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  15. Hello my dear sorry your husband beat you up. I pray he apologized for it. Yes your husband is acting out of fear and you can't live like an Island.
    The best to do is to pray to God let your Husband trust you and you have the right influence. You guys need to be together in unity. Another thing is please take a part time job. Like volunteer at the library or take part time courses online. so you wouldn't negate from your house cores. Plan plan well do your assignments immediately don't procrastinate.
    I would tell you that in USA you need to be prayerful. You husband has assesed you that you are naive. So please pray for wisdom frequently. Let the peace of God comfort your husband's fears.
    Please our morals nowadays are no good to write home. I will share with you that an elder person told me of seeking friendship and this friendship if not for the grace of God her marriage would have crashed. Learn to build your own self esteem that you know you are loved by God and you love yourself. That way you don't feel lonely. Be a friend first to yourself. Then you can make good decisions for yourself. Be it that you don't tolerate things from people because you can't deal with being lonely. You also remember that show me your friend and I will tell you who you are. So don't dance with fire. When it smells like a rat it's a rat.

    Now what I would like you to do is that it takes the Grace of God to do this. Fast for three days. Pray P91 and 23. Ask God for wisdom and peace in your life and household. On the last day of your fast before you break it. Call your husband let you guys sit down. Apologies to him and tell him you understand both of you are exhibiting fear on different levels. He is afraid the good thing will be lost and you are afraid time will pass by and you not empowered or being lonely. But you both don't need to leave in fear but face it as God has given us not the spirit of Fear. There should be joint decisions because you are his help mate. Continuous joint prayers as a family and a wise man invest in his home. Now suggest the above to him. You should learn how to drive and the above part time courses. You never know tomorrow and your attract what you got. As he is ambitious you also are ambitious but it's never for the detriment of your family. The Proverbs 31 woman never neglected her household she instead brought blessings so this should be a prayer point for you both. Put your name there. So he shouldn't live in fear.

    Now to the way we act in dispora even if someone is the next bill gates they will find something to be envious of you. Even if you live a pious life you find darts thrown at you. Soon you start behaving funny and if not Grace of God you will be shocked.
    You have a fairy tale relationship that others will take an exuse to be jealous.
    Not everybody giving you a helping hand will be your friend they just need front row seats in your demise. My dear pray pray often for revelation.
    I use to cry for friends now I love my company. The revelation God showed me I cried for days. BETRAYAL IS NOT BEANS.
    So even if you relocate to any other country you will need discernment. Before taking a course pray, before accepting someone as your friend pray, ask God should I . Do not put any fleece. Ask Him directly.
    May the love of God feel that void ( to be honest too young to get married and yes ie why you crying for your freedom) But I also realized that it's only God that can feel that void we crave for.
    God bless

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    1. Simply beautiful!

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  16. First thing for you to know is that, “You just exposed you man to many sisters out there and you aren’t aware of that fact. (No one in this forum is better than you and no advice here is meant to help you make your final decision). Also, five years is so much for you to ignore the fact that you haven't heard stories related to relationships among us in America. Based on your writings, I think your man is supporting you and your family because he knows that you aren't working and to me, that is part of real love here in America. This something we scarcely hear of. I don't think anybody reading this insult will feel your pain especially those who are going through hard times in their marital homes. Is there any way you can write more about yourself, and tell us how much love you have for this man, what you have done to him and his family or what you have done to try and solve the issues that are bordering you .? Secondly, if you claimed you have everything you need from this man, why are you here complaining and destroying my brother’s image? I wish you have a year out of that home to see what life is and what other marriage couples who are both working are going through. Make sure your man doesn’t read this message and never you ask for advice again in the public. Know that we have our own problems in our homes and we will never share them with you.

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    1. I agree we all hv problems in our homes. How we find solutions to them is solely our choice. She didnot disclose his or her identity. She is hardworking and to be so. It is undetstandable. She is in a confused state and needs advice that will help stabilize her home and marriage. She didnot tarnish his reputation. We all seek for help in one way or the other. I m not a fan a people dieing in silence. Just seeking for advice is show of love for her husband and home. In my opinion...she is just expanding her options. Eho knows if the husband put this up to sample peoples opinions on wether to consider his wife's proposal or not. People be subtle!Peace.

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  17. There are those on the 'streets' studying or working and posting pics on FB and I do not blame u for thinking they are happy. I'll give up my left hand(I really need the right hand) to bet that they'll kill for your position. From your story, I can deduce that you do not consider the fact the you are properly married, you have 2 kids and 1 on the way, your parents are in a better position (mind and kind), etc... to be an achievement. Well, wake up call - that is a major achievement! Sounds like u are in the DMV. My dear, only if you could taste the other side you refer to as 'freedom', then you'll understand. Unfortunately, that is not an option because if you taste it, you'll be damaged goods like 80% of 'ladies' in America. He married you at 19 and kept you safe because he knows the surroundings. You confess that he is handsome and money is not an issue. The ratio of a man like that to a woman needing one in America is 1:15. For one of you, there are 14 others waiting for a way-in. Pray hard that you be protected by the Lord. Note: each day you wake up, make sure your weakest prayer is more powerful than the strongest 'prayer' (maraboutism) of the other 14 women trying to fill your shoes.

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  18. As a professional in human psychology (PhD), something does not feel right about the story, unless the man in this story is bi-polar. Ceteris Paribus, nurturing a 19 year-old... and domestic violence do not go hand in hand. My gut tells me the part about beating and locking in the room for day is not true. Sounds more like someone making up a story to get justification in order to do something they know is risky.

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  19. My Dear Young lady you have heard it all respect your husband and be obedient tell you what he knows what he is doing just be patient and pray all you need is just time take advantage and raise your kids properly in a God fearing way. before you know it they will be old enough for you to go to school! your husband is a kind man don't push him, and don't let your 'big dreams' shatter your marriage you are a highly favored girl one in a million

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  20. I am shocked at some comments I read here, askx ds lady 2 stay bc she's bex tkn care of! Ds is d reason why women in similar situations cnt seek help soon enuff!
    Who says she cnt tk care of herself wn she eventually leaves?! Some of u (both men n women) decide 2 tk d place of God in d lives of those u help!

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  21. Call 911. Then explain to the cops. There are way to many laws in this country that protect women and children, their rights and freedoms.

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  22. Hmmmm...i wonder how some people do reason. Since when has the impending competition from others (women) become a reason not to grow or develope as a person. Because some of us work as much as our husbands do to carter for our family needs shouldn't be an excuse for us to put this lady through a guilt trip. She is grateful for everything her husband has done and is still doing for her and her family...all she wants is an opportunity to achieve something intellectually. And it is much more easier now that she is young and has the motivation to study. Stop asking someone to be a subject of emotional,physical and social violence coz financially she is ok. I really don't buy some ideas here...honestly...worst of all...some of us here talking are holders of Bsc...Msc...etc...Professional Diplomas...advice her on how she can convince her husband to get her registered into a course or start some kind of studies instead of making her feel guilt n suppressing her desire to fulfil a purpose in her life....money is not everything! U work n provide for ur family....u have a satisfaction you experience that she doesn't...how can ppl see a hardworking person n call her stupid! incredible! She must have used the wrong choice of word to express her feelings by saying she wants her freedom! in my opinion she wants to built her inner self. She has purpose apart from being married n having kids. A great advice...one of these comments even talks of a capable wife. That was amazing...thumps up to the guy or gurl who referenced that biblical quotation. Now tell me...how a man will find such a woman for a wife and yet still has a huge sense of insecurity...God be our Helper. PEACE!

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  23. My dear....pls do not dare taking the risk to live ur home...and your beautiful kids. There are many out there wishing to be in your place. And if u say u not free how come do u even have that possibility to interact on the socail media. It simply means u not in captive. More i read alot about marriage problems...and u not the least suffering. Example..a similar case to urs. This Cameroonian lady who got married to a French man who took her n child to France. But ones there the lady was forced to sleep in the dogs haws while so called hubby was spending his nights with her lil daughter,molesting them and maltreating them aswel as sleeping with the kid. Are u really suffering in your marriage. Living is not the best option. Talk to your hubby in another way. And pray for God to change him..and also remove that spirit of breaking ur marriage in ur mind. Just five yrs....pls think before u act. America is not the bed of roses ..You will work ur ass, stress more and hv sleepless night outside looking for ur daily bread which u already have. Secure ur marriage n look for other ways to mk u and your husband grow more...feel with love. Stay bless

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  24. It scares me that people are saying that she is treated like a queen. Either none of you have ever been married or you don't know how to treat someone . My advice to you is this everyone needs independence, you cannot rely on your husband for everything especially if he uses that as leverage to take care of your familly. I would say enroll in school study chemistry or nursing. But make sure you can support yourself your children And help your family. He's either going to understand or he's going to leave you. But at the end of the day you will have a voice .

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  25. You deh Na for gold mine my Dear. Love him more and more and you will find God's favour. Pray with him each day and share your testimony with us when success comes your way. Good luck as you secure your home.

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  26. You probably need need to take him to judge Judy for the matter to be judge accordenly

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  27. All the people advising her to leave her marriage are even in worst relationships and still hanging on it. Please, your husband is a nice man. I personally do not like frienda and I prefer keeping to myself and my family maybe that's why I don't see it as a problem but I will say if u love your husband this will be a very tiny problem as compared to what others are going through in their marriage. Unless u now have your papers and find fault in every little thing he does as an excus to leave him. Still ur choice though.

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  28. This Generation is cursed !!! women come to men because of material things !!! This girl's initial plans was not to married you ! It was to use you as a bridge to success !!!
    You this man was very hard working to be lucky to unlocked the virginity that you sooooo much treasure like any man will do !!
    Women dont have soul and those it goes .. confining in a woman is like putting your head into the mouth of a maden wolf.... If i were you i should have kick her out of the house before she even runs her mouth !!!
    You are right my brother dont let your wife to friends because the second job of every person staying in america is GOSSIP !! I hate women of this Generation !!!

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  29. This woman needs an honest answer. For all those who thing the woman should stay home, no friends, no school etc, I bet u guys don't know or haven't heard of the unforseen circumstances. Currently in the usa many young people just drop dead living young kids and wife to perish, I guess we are going back to the same old ways of our African parents who do not want thier wives or children to know anything then when they're dead the family start fighting in court. If that man knows what is good for him and his family he should educate and enrich the wife for tomorrow sake. U cannot keep the woman in the dark for ever and when she comes out the results will not be good so watchout buddy

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  30. That sounds to me like false imprisonment. False imprisonment is a restraint of a person in a bounded area without justification. Thats oppressive restrictions, and is not good for anyone's mind. The worst prison is that of the mind. There's no reason why she can't go to school or or get a job. Has anyone of us stayed home in your own house without stepping at the door for two days and you feel like you are sick? Lady, try and sort things out in a calm way with your husband, let him free you out of "prison" to at least get a job which you can at least work few days in a week or better still go to school. If he continues in that manner, then i smell more trouble.

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