Sunday, 28 February 2016

How Motherhood Was Snatched Away From Me

Kiki thank you for giving your readers a voice to share their stories on this blog. I found out about your blog about and month ago and must say I am already hooked as I haven't missed a post since then. I read the story a KB reader shared here about being raped by a priest in tears. Sister, thank you for sharing your story and giving me the courage to share mine too.

My mother told me my father died when I was about 3 year old. When I was 11, my mother remarried and we moved in with her husband. The first year of the marriage was almost like paradise for me. However, my nightmare started when my mother was heavily pregnant. My step-father visiting my room in the night. The first few days he forced me to suck his "thing", then one night when my mother was deep asleep he got into my room and forced himself inside me. I screamed and tried to kick him off me, but he placed his hand over my mouth and pressed my fragile 12-year-old body on the old mattress. When he was done abusing me, he told me that if I told my mother he will throw us out of the house. The next morning I was so sore between my legs that I was walking funny and my mother noticed. I told her I fell and hit my leg on my way back from school and she believed me.

My step-father visited my room almost every night, for two months still my mother had the baby. She was always awake with the baby at night so he had no chance of coming to my room and repeating the devilish act. Two years later my mother got pregnant and during the last few months of her pregnancy the abuse started again. When my mother gave birth it stopped but unfortunately I was already pregnant at 15. My mother told me I had added a lot of weight and should slow down on food. My tiny breast were growing larger and sadly I did not have a clue why my body was going through all the changes. One day on my way back from school I felt a shape pain in my stomach and blood started running down my legs. The next thing I knew I was the hospital and my mother calling my name and crying. I had an Ectopic pregnancy which got raptured and my womb had to me taken out. I only came to understand this with age, when the doctors told my mother I can never birth a child again it didn't really mean anything to me till I was much older.

When I felt a little better my mother asked me who was responsible for the pregnancy and when I told her she fainted. She asked me for all the details of what happened and I told her. My mother kept saying through her tears "why didn't you tell me, why" in my local language. When I left the hospital we went straight to my grandmother's house. My mother went to the police and was told it is a family matter and should be handled as such. My step-father's people vehemently refused to discuss the issue.

There are days I blame my mother for not being vigilant enough, and some days I blame myself for not telling her. Other days I question God. I don't see men the way other women do and do not think I will ever do. I was told by my pastor to let go and move on. How can I let go? Each time I see or hear a child crying it reminds me of my past. I write to you in tears and hope Cameroon and Africa at large can pay more attention the RAPE. It is happening everywhere around us but we have refused to see it. I do not want any child to end up in my situation or even worst.

God bless you all.


  1. My dear I feel so sorry for what u when through I know it's hard but let go that's where the healing starts go to God in prayers just like care manufacturers have spare parts so does our God believe in him he is the God of all impossibilities I will be praying for you

  2. So sad to hear your story. Pray hard and forgive him. I have heard a couple of stories which are similar to your own. I am glad you have shared it. It would teach many other young people to open up to the truth early enough. Nothing is as bad as going through pain without being able to share your experience. I will suggest you seek the help of a counsellor. You need to be able to talk to a professional to get help. Telling you story is a step forward.

  3. God is your strength huni. Stay strong...Miracles do happen. God is with you

  4. Its very painful to read such a story as a woman. The issue of rape in cameroon needs to be handled. Women face this issue a lot and can't even talk about it openly. Its like a taboo to talk about it but its happening everyday

  5. So painful. My advice use your pain as your strength to bring change in that area of violence. we go through certain things so we can end them

  6. Shalom my dear.
    Thanks for sharing your story and it's also a step to healing.
    My dear, am glad you are a christian. God of miracles will come to your rescue. Total restoration is your portion in Jesus Christ name.

    The key to life is know that you are loved. Jesus Christ loves you and your heavenly Father does. The answer to the Y will come later. But please don't focus on anything but the truth of God.

    You are loved. Any time you feel down, flash back tell Jesus Christ. As for his comfort.

    It's not about the works you do. But it's about the renewing of your mind to focus that God loves you despite it all. I have read of testimony of Ladies who had no womb. But the God of miracle healed her.

    Meditate on Ps 23 and Ps 91. Read on love stories like book of solomon, Esther and meditate especially the book of John.

    It's not everyone who is qualified to hear your problem. THe key to forgiveness is when you focus on Jesus Christ. Just only focus on him, meditate on his love for you. My dear the healing balm of the Lord will heal all your wounds. Remember y Peter was sinking he removed his eyes from the Lord. The arrows and set backs and condemning tots are not allowing you to focus on Jesus Christ.

    Don't be hard on yourself. You are courageous. Fear is never your portion. NO weapon fashion against you shall prosper. Have confidence in God. When you need something it's always dispatched from heaven. Receive your peace and all your blessings IJN.
    Break every soul tie with your step father.
    The effects of abuse vary. Total restoration is your portion Ps 23 daily.

    Shalom IJN.

  7. pls kiki how can i get to this woman