Tuesday, 23 February 2016

HELP!!! My Wife Wouldn't Stop Embarrassing Me!

Hello Miss Kinnaka,
I must confess you are doing a great job on the blog. Your blog is the first i have read in my entire life and seriously, I am amazed. It gives me a lot of joy to see a young and beautiful Cameroonian lady, so passionate about something. Please do remember to hope my identity.

My wife and I got married at very tender ages. She was 20 and I was 22. For eight years, we struggled from one business to the other to no avail. When our three boys were born, things even became worse. My wife is an orphan and I am the first child from a poor family. We didn't have anybody we could reach out to for assistance. In our tenth year of marriage, things changed. We were blessed abundantly by God. Our spare-part business we had embarked on flourished

I made so much money in one year and expanded my spheres. I began importing vehicles and spare parts from Europe. I equally constructed a three-floor storey building for my family and I. Our circle of friends changed. People started respecting my family and I. This gave me a lot of joy and made me feel like a man.
Yesterday was our fifteenth anniversary of our marriage. Things didn't go as planned. This is why i have decided to share my story with Kinnaka's blog  in order to seek for advice from the marvelous readers.
My wife does not spend the money i give her for her up-keep, for the boys and the house. She is still  carrying the old belief in her mind from the days when we were still poor. I cannot even eat good food at home with enough obstacles (meat). She is so economical. Even when i buy her clothes, shoes and other accessories, she doesn't wear them. When i ask her why, she tells me she is keeping them for special occasions. I wonder what occasions in this life are more special than our sons receiving First Holy Communion and our wedding anniversary.

I was so embarrassed and angry yesterday when my best friend asked me why i do not take care of my wife. I know people think the same way, but they do not know how much i try. Sincerely, our house help dresses more than my wife. I must confess my wife is so beautiful. She doesn't take care of herself. How do i make her understand now is our hour of grace? We are no longer poor.

This her "poor man mentality" is driving me crazy. Also, it is pushing her away from me. What can i do to change her? I do not want to destroy our marriage. I love her deeply but her refusal to spend the money we have both worked for is pushing our marriage towards a divorce.

11 comments:

  1. Looks come from within, dressing, make up and how people match up their personality is part of character. You just have to love your wife the way she is. If you truly love her you won't care what the world say, encourage her to dress the way you want but you can't force her because you will try to her personality.

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    1. I disagree with this assessment ,if God has blessed you with success live like it .You love your wife and your want her to feel special everyday.Some women need to be taught lots .It doesn't mean we dont love them for who they are .

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  2. I have met people like her in my life. I must admit people have different issues in the world. To be honest some adversities change character but that doesn't mean you can't change that.
    Keep loving her and leading by example. Take her out and make her wear those and ask her how she feels. Remind her she won't die and take any of these worldly stuffs with her and so she should use them while she can. Take her to places when she will feel the need of dressing smart. Cook good food as an example. Don't ask for a divorce and pray for her ceaselessly, don't leave her and fall into deeper shit Coz that's what happens. Call make up artist to embarrass her by making her look gorgeous. My take ��✌��️����

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  3. If you so badly want to give your wife an extreme makeover, resort to a marriage counsellor to have it sorted out or stage an intervention. Be warned,you constantly pushing the agenda all by yourself without a referee will only estrange your beloved wife. People in DENIAl console themselves under the pretext that they don't care about what other think of them. That's a load of crap because they most definitely do. This is a typically of a spouse letting herself go and has become too comfortable in their marriage that putting effort to keep the flame burning in the relationship is something that she must pick a fight in rebellion. Some men would've strayed with a mistress before crying wolf. This one is trying hard to keep his family together after he'd transcended in his financial standing but his wife is reluctant to climb the ladder of their newly found social status. A marriage counsellor or therapist in my opinion will be the neutral party to help sort everything out.

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  4. If you so badly want to give your wife an extreme makeover, resort to a marriage counsellor to have it sorted out or stage an intervention. Be warned,you constantly pushing the agenda all by yourself without a referee will only estrange your beloved wife. People in DENIAl console themselves under the pretext that they don't care about what other think of them. That's a load of crap because they most definitely do. This is a typically of a spouse letting herself go and has become too comfortable in their marriage that putting effort to keep the flame burning in the relationship is something that she must pick a fight in rebellion. Some men would've strayed with a mistress before crying wolf. This one is trying hard to keep his family together after he'd transcended in his financial standing but his wife is reluctant to climb the ladder of their newly found social status. A marriage counsellor or therapist in my opinion will be the neutral party to help sort everything out.

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  5. Bros i love your story and i really enjoyed reading it,but the truth is never u think of divorcing your bcus she doen't want to spend the money u are giving .when i started reading and u talked of how she's embarrassing i tot she was sleeping around .I beg u my guy if u divorce ur wife bcus she doesn't wanna dress good ,then u making a very big and fatal mistake .just continue to love ur wife and u guys leave happily as before and forget about what people will say or are saying ,that's none of their business

    be wise my guy,stay blessed in ur marriage and happy 15th Anniversary

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  6. Whoa thanks for sharing your dilema.
    The thing we criticize is a reflection of us in a different way.
    You need to love your self first and then you able to love your wife back.
    Your wife needs to be your best friend where she can confide in you.
    1.This gave me a lot of joy and made me feel like a man.
    2.when my best friend asked me why i do not take care of my wife.
    You care a lot about people's opinions. People's opinions don't need to validate you. That's a sign of insecurity. The same insecurity your wife is portraying you are portraying in a different manner.

    In my opinion your wife is saving up and has her insecurity why she doesn't want to lax in the luxury you are now enjoying.
    it could be
    1.Our circle of friends changed.
    Do you know why there is a saying since the time of Adam that the problem for men it's good times and problem for women is hard times during in marriage?
    Do you know your new circle of friends?
    2.People started respecting my family and I.
    Why most people define your value because of your wealth.

    So I have pointed out to you what might be making your wife uncomfortable to enjoy the lux. Let me tell you the same eye servants that are respecting your and rubbing shoulders with you. Most are sheep in wolves clothing opportunist and are not friends.

    For now you are known as a stingy man money miss road. This is the season if you are a christian to prayerup, word up.
    God will provide wisdom to ward off all of your fears for both your wife and you.
    Rest in God's love, that He loves you and will always provide.
    Communication is the key, so love yourself and love her so she can share her fears.
    Trust me when she starts to bloosom. You will know that the devil is a liar. For you will see the real home wreckers. So this season get to know your self worth, pray for your wife she also has revelation for her self worth.
    We live in a vicious world. Until you understand her story you wouldn't understand her mindset. You will only focus on my status my status people's opinions.
    Shalom.

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    1. Dear sir, take this letter to your wife.
      My beautiful sister, our generation is gradually evolving with more attention drifted to apperance.If you look closely, you will see that most people want to be slim thus the diet industry is booming (for example). God has blessed you with enormous wealth,wake up and look fabolous for your husband before this mad dogs outside grab a piece of him. If you will bare with me, now he has some loose currencies to spare that makes it easier for the whores to fall prey. This gentleman really loves you and can die for u as a wife,do not let it go. Make him feel like a man, see what is trending around, wear some perfumes, do your nails, get your hair treated and all. Relax and enjoy the household benefits he throws at you or you'll watch someone else do this with your sweat. "No gree oh mami" YOU OWN THE HOUSE,CARS,BUDGET,AND KIDS.Get up and look good.
      Dear Sir,
      let nothing separate you from your wife. This is part of growing up in marriage and the huddles involve will never stop coming. I'll ask you to be patient and give her time to adapt. I understand what she's been through and what u are going through from "pocknosers". PATIENT !!!!

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  7. First i think your opennes is the first step to finding a solution.Truth is no one wants to look like a million dollar and their partner looks like a begger.So ur worries are valid.But ill suggest you exercise some patience and keep talking to her...Sometimes tell her if she doesn't wear something really nice you have bought you wouldnt be eating ...or wont come home early..make her understand how deeply that is affecting you.When she eventually puts on something nice..make pictures.praise her and show her the difference...Women sometimes just need you to go an extra mile.Truth is its going to take her time to fully love the New her...but when she starts admiring that new person..she wouldnt stop...Talking to her is not enough.doesnt matter who does...u hv to find a trick to make her wear them..anything silly if you must.And hey...count yourself a lucky man to have a woman who will climb the ladder to wealth reluctantly.Not many of those are left on Earth.I wish your marriage an unending happiness

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  8. My brother, I salut your resolve to seek advice, and honestly, I believe you need some. After reading your story, I have a few points to make.
    - "Our circle of friends changed" - Common sense says, the best freinds are those that stick to you when you have nothing. If you abandoned the freinds you had while poor, then there is a problem with your ways. Maybe your wife is not comfortable with the people that now sorround you.
    -"People started respecting my family and I" - Why should it matter that people respect you thanks to your riches. The way I see it, you are letting pride take the upper hand in your life and home and your wife might be rebelling against that.
    - The best friend you mentioned - if he was not your best friend before you got rich, then think about your friendship again.
    - Your wife might really have a "poor man mentality" but that can't be a bit of a reason to distance yourself from her. Talk with her - not to her. No marraige can succeed where there is no compromise. Discuss her wishes and yours, and come to a compromise, keeping everyone else out of the scene.
    The main issue I see here is your PRIDE and her HUMILITY. Take note that there is no guarantie that your business will never fail but you can be sure that your new friends will let you down if it fails. So give credit to your wife for being economical. Discuss with her how she can improve her appearance while you reduce your spending and I believe you'll have your peace. GOOD LUCK

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  9. It is simple na bo. Find some sexy small girl threathen for replace e . Then you go see changes

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